Getting Back to a New Normal

     UPDATE - Tuesday, July 21, 2020 

     The Age of COVID 19 continues, the virus is wrecking its havoc across America and the world. Wear a mask and be a sheeple or don't wear a mask and be a Trump Supporter. In beautiful, Alma Township, Jackson County, Wisconsin, USA - the virus is almost non-existent. In my family, no COVID cases, That does not mean no death. Death is always there. In fact, my daughter, Christine, has died in the very era unexpectedly. There is no gray area in the opinion police - everyone who says anything publically believes they are right. The virus will spread and render it's death and then someday it will go away. Maybe it will return....maybe not. Living in an pandemic is full of the unexpected, the new normal is everyday. So today, just today, as tomorrow is never given, I will pray, I will seek God, I will contemplate my eternal home.

ORIGINAL POST 

     Life is full of unexpected changes that can really shake you up and make you really live consciously. At the time the change happens, this may be a difficult time and full of anxiety and sadness and loss. However, with time all those feelings fade and circumstances change. The daily routines become the new normal, not necessarily the desired normal, and change requires hard work. If I do nothing, nothing in my life will change. If I do not desire what I have and what I am doing how am I living my life fully? How am I becoming the best version of me?
     My husband and I had two unexpected events in our life which disrupted our normal life and really shook us up. Due to a lot of hard work, planning and intentional living, we were able to take a break and regroup on a slower pace and make life happen at a saner pace. We are getting through and by. Now it's time to up the game and make our life better. The last fifteen months have given me opportunities to pursue interests and activities that I always wanted to pursue. Like many, I have underestimated the time and effort required to make changes and live my life on my terms. It's easy to float through; it's requires real work to live intentionally.
    Self-awareness and self-acceptance and self-knowledge and truth require you to look at all areas of your life and access where you are at, where you want to be, and make a real factual plan to make the changes to get you where you want. One must always keep in mind what is most important and what really matters. Do you have a really big list of most important? About fifteen years ago, I made my big list and my list is God, Family, Work and Everything Else. Yes, that is my order and family trumps achievement in my career and earnings. I do not and will not measure my self worth with my financial worth. I can make numerous changes to balance what I want with the money issue. I can use my talents to make a homemade gift for people to enjoy instead of spending money at a big box store and contributing mostly to the Chinese and Saudi Arabian economies.
    Right now, I need to make one more major change in my life to get me where I want to be and where I need to be, What I know is that I can and I will. Sure it may not be easy. Of course, I will have trials and disappointments and failures. But, I will also have success and happiness and be able to look back and see the change in my and be happier with the person who I have become.



   

Sometimes when something is really good you - you need to capture that moment forever

     Some things in life are worth capturing and making a memory. Write it down, take a picture, make a scrapbook page, create a silly song and sing it out loud, make a special food or just slow down and absorb all the goodness around you - just do something special whether it lasts a lifetime or more or just for a few minutes. Take time to ponder the beauty and wonder that is all around us. We live in a world that is so busy and full of noise that seldom we can see the beauty around us.

     This morning I am watching this Wisconsin Public Television show Around the Farm Table. I really enjoy this show as it about a woman who is following her passions and dreams and working very hard to make the dream a reality who at all times is always working and creating community with others. Yesterday, I stopped in at the Gingerbread Jersey Cheese Factory in Augusta, Wisconsin, and their a young wife, mother, farmer and cheese maker was tending the children and the store. This young woman said she was not working hard - she was only being a mother and storekeeper at the same time. I said I would hate to see her working hard. I think I would be exhausted just watching her really work.

    But, what really left an impression on me about these women is that they are in love with their life. In many ways there is nothing fancy or romantic or worldly about what they are doing. They are working hard and doing hard work and all the time really living life fully. What does all this have to do with making memories and capturing things that are really good? Well everything, because it is the in daily living that we are made whole and real. Oh yes, there will big events in our life - but, all the big times is only for a very short while and then daily living sets in. Take time for all the things of daily living and do them as best as you can. I think someone once said to "stop and smell the roses".

Finishing Well|Finishing Strong

     Yesterday, when painting with my sister, I really gave it my all and just kept on working. By the time I got back to my house I was sore, tired and needed a nap. I also am probably suffering from the cold and flu. It felt great to work hard and finish a job and be exhausted. I used to be fairly athletically and physically active and competative and many times it came out in a not so nice way. I still don't have it all figured out - I can really work hard, I like to do well, I feel good when I can look back and see a job well done. I also in the past have quit - I sometimes have a very difficult time figuring everything out. What do I want, truly what do I desire and what is best for me? Can I make good decisions consistently? Can I motivate and coach and counsel and be a true helper and friend? What do I have and what can I be? What do I want? There are always trade-offs - more time or more money, or more money and less time. What satisfies me? What is most important?
     So thinking about myself and my smallness - I googled to see what God says - well actually what Saint Paul wrote and I find an enlightened web page If I Can Run The Race and read what some one else is saying about what the Bible says. Read more at http://www.catholicvu.com/. Kathy Bernard does a very good job with references about running the race for Christ, being prepared, not stopping and finally finishing well.
     Recently I was listening to Relevant Radio and the talk show was about people who seem to throw out God at the end of their lives. What I know and what I observed is if we are faithful, always and everywhere, we will not loose hope and faith in the last years or moments of our life. God promises many things for being faithful - as a child of God I can claim the promises of God and know when it is time to for the great conductor God to ask for my ticket, I will have a good ticket in hand and be ready for the journey.
     Give life your all, make your life count in the way God our Father, Christ our Brother and the Holy Spirit are calling you in all things - great and small. Don't quit when you feel defeated or depressed. Continue on and seek the right paths and we know as Christians the right path is not normally the path the world tells. Along the way please slow down and find joy and happiness - the true joy and happiness that only the love of God gives.

A New Year - A New Chance - World Peace

     God has stated that peace is one of His many gifts to human beings. So why do humans reject this gift? It's simple - there is a caveat to God's peace - it is only given to people of goodwill. Logically, then this is simple - if we want peace we need to become people of goodwill.
     How do we become people of goodwill? We do this by seeking the common good. Yes, there are better things for everyone and better things for the world we live in for all living creatures. However, the leaders of the world currently and have always lived in a manner of largesse, excess and beyond the standard of living of the common people. Let's not look at China, Russia or Saudi Arabia - let's look at our current president and first lady, congress, and the government bureaucrats here in America. We have a president who plays golf and can disrupt a wedding and still be a really swell and nice guy and a press that makes teed off jokes about his behavior. We have officials and workers all over the Department of Veterans Affairs making six-figure salaries and receiving their healthcare elsewhere who can't figure out a how to timely approve veterans requests for help and aid. We have congressmen and congresswomen who don't live in the district they represent and who are flown coast-to-coast in private planes. And then we have real winners like Al Gore with a Nobel Peace Prize for global warming who flies private jets and lives in a mansion. And what about Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and their race baiting that keeps them living in a grand style while exploiting mostly poor and uneducated people? Maybe the Als and Jesses should start a successful grocery store and farm in a poor inter-city neighborhood that is a food desert and then duplicating that success in every food desert in America.
     Peace needs to begin with yourself and economic choices you make. Are you willing to pay more for food that is truly organic, local, sustainably grown and meets fair trade guidelines (I will say fairer trade as a lot of fair trade benefits mostly others than the farmer including lots of third world corrupt politicians)? Do you re-use, re-cycle, re-purpose, up-cycle and don't waste? Do you live beyond your means? Do you check the air in your vehicle tires regularly? Do you turn down the heat at night? Do you look for second hand items? In the adage of an old song - let peace begin with me.
     After scrubbing and cleaning on yourself start on your family. Start by sharing resources and time and talent. Share everything you can share. Share food and tools and clothes and furniture.
     Keep on creating peace in your neighborhood. You can disagree without causing a civil war. At least try to see the other persons point. However, never avoid the truth. There are many points of view - there is only one truth.
    For most of us, we need to stop with family and neighbors and the small community groups we live in. In our BIG government world we are simply unable to impact change at a larger level. In American, WE are the GOVERNMENT and WE have quit doing what we are supposed to do as citizens and as such our GOVERNMENT at most levels has become mostly corrupt and not capable of working for the common good, thus not capable of creating peace. Everyone of us should be appalled and clamoring for change when we see your government wasting tax dollars. This should not be a Democrat or Republican or Liberal or Conservative issue. Government fraud, waste and abuse should tick us all of and motive us to throw the crooks out and find some better men and women to represent us. Make this year a year for you to change. Change what you can and pray for peace because pray changes everything because it changes you.


DREAM - Dream a Little Dream

     Many dream, some do and a few make it. Very few achieve at the highest levels of any profession regardless of talent and opportunity. Some do achieve both fame and fortune and they are very blessed indeed.
     I dream of being a renaissance women who has great intellect, talent and produces a great masterpiece. I love to channel the good Thomas Jefferson whose birthday I share. However, I am now considerably past middle age and have not achieved fame, fortune or notoriety.
     If I measure myself by the standards of Bach, Shakespeare and others greats, I am an abject failure. If I measure myself by a standard that I can bring joy, beauty and inspiration to others in small ways, I succeed every day. I start with my immediate family and reach outwards.
     All humans matter. Start where you are and affect the lives that you share. Many great men and women have failed terribly in their family relationships. Maybe being number one on the charts is great. However, failing at parenting really makes you a LOSER. Fame and fortune is wonderful; but, it's nothing if you are failing at what really matters.

Anger and Exploding

    I did it - I am great about suppressing things and keeping things bottled up until something just opens the can and like the shaken soda can it all just comes out in a very short time and makes a makes a mess. This last time I suppressed so much, I failed to even recognize I was angry. It goes to show what the human being is capable of doing. You can really mess with your own emotions. Others can create a truth that is so unbelievable and not based upon fact that it is ludicrous.

    I sometimes wonder why I am a messed up human being. I do blame a great deal of my personality shortcomings on the dysfunctional family I was raised in. I blame a lot of things on personal experiences in my life that have damaged me.

    My sin of anger separates me from happiness and joy. My sin of anger separates me from God and others. My sin of anger is mine and I need to own it, confess it and get over it.



Cooperative and Collaborative

     Are you cooperative and collaborative type of person or do you always do your own thing and show up when it's convenient for you and do what you feel like? When you do show up are you prepared, willing, and have a good can do attitude? Do you show up on time and prepared to your best of your ability and with an open mind and a commitment to do your best? Or do you show up with a foul attitude, unprepared, not willing to share your time and talent and treasure  and unwilling to pitch in and do your best and do what is asked? It's easy to do your own thing. It takes real effort to move towards patterns of cooperation and collaboration. And changing behavior takes small steps. First you crawl and then you walk and then you run.
     Why this post? For the past fifteen years I have been a caretaker for my elderly and diminishing parents. My father had Alzheimer's Disease and before he died he finally forgot to eat. Anyway, it was a long downward path from Dad's diagnosis until succumbing to death from the disease. And then after dad's death mom fell and broke her hip and never had a full recovery. The worst thing for me about dad's and mom's aging and declining health and well being was the response and lack of any support from most of my siblings. I come from a large family. God gave us each other and gave us a special bond as family. That should be a great blessing in my life. I think of the Kennedys and all the sisters who were smart enough, pretty enough, educated enough, had enough money to be president yet understood in their time and age the brothers could be President of the United States and they could have a real part of things but what they needed to do was hit the campaign trail, eat chicken and step in the cattle auction ring that had the largest crowd in town when no one showed up at the campaign rally. I would love to have siblings like that more often.
    I do understand if you live a longer distance away that the issue of time and transportation and money are real factors in your ability to help take care of a person who needs care and is no longer totally able to care for them self. I do understand that you have a family, job, home and everything else in your life that you have. SO DO I! OH? What I fail to understand is your denial, lack of empathy, and selfishness. Really, when you come and visit and the grass on the lawn is too tall you cannot spare two hours and mow the lawn? You operate heavy farm equipment for a living; but, you can't get your rear on a riding lawn mower and mow the parent's lawn once because you think that it's someone else job and somehow they are going to be offended to have break just once ever. You won't be there next week or next month or maybe ever. Just do it - are you really so unable to make a correct thought and put things into actionable and doable items and give two hours of your time once and really help out in a real way instead of having the grass grow taller so that the next time the sibling who mows can bag and rake up the grass that got to tall?
     Also, here is another point - all people have things they enjoy. Many time it's just little things like a favorite candy or flower or ice cream flavor. Yes, it takes a little more time to purchase the person who requires care favorite and send a small amount twice or more during the year then sending something at Christmas time. Your sibling who lives closer and does more of the care giving really could use and would probably welcome your support provided it comes from a place of love and duty and not some sort of shame and guilt. You could really help out by getting behind and supporting in any way the care giver including starting with letting them make a great deal of decisions and you supporting those decisions. And the people closest and doing the care giving get to make the decisions. You need to do the supporting. You don't get to make the decision. Heck, you won't even try to communicate effectively from my point of view. You need to start by doing what is asked, and do it exactly in the manner that the care giver requested. When there is a event, party or occasion like a birthday party you could make a real effort just to show up. Yes, it takes a lot of effort to just show up at a time and place that is not most convenient to you but it's really not about you. It's really about your elderly parent right now. And like children, elderly parents don't wait and most of the time need more care when it is least convenient.
    I get it that if you do not visit, do nothing and call when it's convenient for you - especially at dinner time on a holiday - you get to say Mom or Dad is fine. Well, mom and dad are fine because someone else is taking care of Mom and Dad. It's fun to go skiing instead of coming to a funeral. It's a lot funnier to purchase lift tickets then to pay for funeral flowers. It's great to buy designer clothes for yourself and not ask to see what a parent needs for clothing much less put $20 in the sock and underwear fund. It's easy to say, someone else is supposed to do that and pay for that. It's easy to say I don't have to help out. It's easy to say I have other wants and needs and I should not have to make any sacrifices for my aging parents. I live in a society where that is what is deemed normal and right and good. That is not at all what God says. It's easy to expect that the caregivers are supposed to reach out and beg for your help and then you can be a model of generosity and kindness by buying a cheap box of candy at Christmas instead of sending Mom's favorite candy monthly in a small amount as requested. You have just did what you wanted to do instead of doing what was asked. Then when you do decide to do something what you did only caused problems, resentment and anger.
    I GET IT because I DO IT. I HAVE SOME REAL ANGER mostly because the people who are to support me most have failed me the MOST. Here's and example - mom's last birthday, I was going to buy mom flowers. I love buying flowers for anyone because I love flowers. However, a couple from my mom's church got flowers for my mom. I said the flowers were beautiful and took them to mom. I did not buy mom flowers because it would have been too many flowers.Instead  I made the cake and purchased ice cream and drove two hours and coordinated a small party. Any of you could have said I will send a cake or candles or flowers or even took the time to get a birthday card on time to mom. I am glad others bought mom flowers. I bought mom some great candles for the top of the cake I made. It was great. That is being cooperative and not having to compete.
     My siblings cause real issues in my relationship with my spouse. And they just don't get it or make any effort to even try to understand anything (like why my Mom's cell phone bill is charged to my credit card). I come visit mom, I don't need mom to have a cell phone to call me. Isn't it nice my mom has a phone when you call that she can talk to you when you find it convenient to call? How does a mother just get a cell phone? I would like to think if the roles were reversed and my mother showed up with a cell phone and she she can't go out shopping, does not have a credit card or surf the net that I would at least inquire how mom got the phone, how much it costs and how it is being paid. It's real easy just to assume mom has a magical free cell phone. Another real issue about the cell phone is that it is one thing my mother really enjoys. As such I suck it up and pay her cell phone bill and make sure it works including driving the 120+ one way miles for the only reason to enter the codes in the phone needed to re-activate it after spending 8 hours on the phone trying to figure out why mom's phone is not working. When you call the next day Mom's phone was working and she talked to you and you never even thought what some other sibling is doing to keep mom's phone on. When you tell me you don't know that I pay for mom's cell phone I am shocked. You don't make any effort to ask, listen or contribute.
    In all fairness once in the past fifteen years some of sibling have at Christmas contributed to mom's clothing fund as mom refuses to spend money on clothes as she may not wear them out as mom says. Mom has always had clothing issues. I don't know why nor do I care why nor could I understand the clothing issue. Here's the deal - How would you like to care for someone who has no clothes to put on, clothes that do not fit, clothes that are not suitable for an invalid when doing your job? I buy mom's clothing mostly so the people who take care of mom on a daily basis can do their job easier and not have to be resentful that mom never has any clothes to put on and I am supposed to get her dressed as part of my job. Every time Mom took a short rehab stay before permanently entering long term care I purchased mom new clothes. None of you even inquired if mom had the items needed for her to go to rehab and suitable clothing.
     This is just a few examples, because it goes on and on and on and in the end all the issues of sibling when you were growing up in the dysfunctional family (and all families have some dysfunction) come up and take you back to a personal place of pain and hurt. As a child, you had to tolerate your family and you were held together by parents. As an adult I don't have those rules or constraints. Many times I say I have siblings that I have no relationship with and I deem  them as human beings that unfortunately I only know they exist because of an biological accident. Many times, I can not even comprehend that I was raised by the same parents and the values I acquired from my rearing as any of the values I see my siblings living and displaying. I don't care what you say or better excuse you have - you are known by your actions and not your words. Step up and pitch in and help out in real and meaningful manners and ways. How about asking, reaching out, being pro-active, stepping up, doing what is asked and helping out in anyway you can and cooperating and collaborating instead of putting your head in the sand and pretending everything is okay and you can't do anything nor do you have to because you live a longer distance from a parent? Mom and Dad need care everyday, not once or twice a year. Your last justifiable and good excuse seems to be that some other sibling takes care of that and I perceive they have more financial resources and time to.
    For the distant family, I don't know what you think that your siblings who have stepped up and taken care of the parents are getting that is unfair? Really do you think Mom and Dad slipped more money in the Christmas cards for us? Why do you think that it is easier for me? Oh, I get it you can't even make an effort to maintain a civil and courteous relationship with your siblings and acknowledge any of your faults and apologize for any of your actions and words that have caused the pain, anger and hurt in your sibling. It's not your job to be the caregiver and you can't do anything - exact words from a sibling. This sediment is also clearly displayed in your actions or lack of action. You lie and say mean and hurtful things and I hear you loud and clear. I don't care if you were mad or hurt or overwhelmed. You said it and did it and you do have control over you mouth and other actions. Most of the time you have less than 1/2 the truth from the place where you judge me from.  I am also sick and tired of trying to maintain a relationship of any kind with you. The ball is in your court and you need to play. You just say your sibling is wrong and keep on taking a free ride and doing nothing and do what you want to do and not even try to make things better and keep believing you are so RIGHT when you are so WRONG from my perspective and the God I worship standard. You are called to honor you mother and father. As part of this command, I tolerate you doing nothing, not helping, your nastiness, resentment and your lack of cooperation and collaboration. I also know that my birth family and how it has shuck out is not the way I want the family I created to be and I am doing everything within my power not to pass this on. I do have the power to stop repeating bad patterns of behavior in my family and seek changes for future generations.
    In my blessing department I have siblings who in every sense of the word and deed have been true siblings and real brothers and sisters and partners and friends and have stood by me and been on my side about taking care of mom and dad. I have been there for them and they have been there for me and I have known and had the love from siblings that I want. I can count on them and trust them and for that I am truly grateful. I have also had family step up and do things as asked and this does make a difference. Do what you can and start communicating and do what is asked and let the past be the past.