Many dream, some do and a few make it. Very few achieve at the highest levels of any profession regardless of talent and opportunity. Some do achieve both fame and fortune and they are very blessed indeed.
I dream of being a renaissance women who has great intellect, talent and produces a great masterpiece. I love to channel the good Thomas Jefferson whose birthday I share. However, I am now considerably past middle age and have not achieved fame, fortune or notoriety.
If I measure myself by the standards of Bach, Shakespeare and others greats, I am an abject failure. If I measure myself by a standard that I can bring joy, beauty and inspiration to others in small ways, I succeed every day. I start with my immediate family and reach outwards.
All humans matter. Start where you are and affect the lives that you share. Many great men and women have failed terribly in their family relationships. Maybe being number one on the charts is great. However, failing at parenting really makes you a LOSER. Fame and fortune is wonderful; but, it's nothing if you are failing at what really matters.
Thoughts on living fully and richly in all circumstances as a Catholic Christian. My God is a god of joy and love.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Anger and Exploding
I did it - I am great about suppressing things and keeping things bottled up until something just opens the can and like the shaken soda can it all just comes out in a very short time and makes a makes a mess. This last time I suppressed so much, I failed to even recognize I was angry. It goes to show what the human being is capable of doing. You can really mess with your own emotions. Others can create a truth that is so unbelievable and not based upon fact that it is ludicrous.
I sometimes wonder why I am a messed up human being. I do blame a great deal of my personality shortcomings on the dysfunctional family I was raised in. I blame a lot of things on personal experiences in my life that have damaged me.
My sin of anger separates me from happiness and joy. My sin of anger separates me from God and others. My sin of anger is mine and I need to own it, confess it and get over it.
I sometimes wonder why I am a messed up human being. I do blame a great deal of my personality shortcomings on the dysfunctional family I was raised in. I blame a lot of things on personal experiences in my life that have damaged me.
My sin of anger separates me from happiness and joy. My sin of anger separates me from God and others. My sin of anger is mine and I need to own it, confess it and get over it.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Cooperative and Collaborative
Are you cooperative and collaborative type of person or do you always do your own thing and show up when it's convenient for you and do what you feel like? When you do show up are you prepared, willing, and have a good can do attitude? Do you show up on time and prepared to your best of your ability and with an open mind and a commitment to do your best? Or do you show up with a foul attitude, unprepared, not willing to share your time and talent and treasure and unwilling to pitch in and do your best and do what is asked? It's easy to do your own thing. It takes real effort to move towards patterns of cooperation and collaboration. And changing behavior takes small steps. First you crawl and then you walk and then you run.
Why this post? For the past fifteen years I have been a caretaker for my elderly and diminishing parents. My father had Alzheimer's Disease and before he died he finally forgot to eat. Anyway, it was a long downward path from Dad's diagnosis until succumbing to death from the disease. And then after dad's death mom fell and broke her hip and never had a full recovery. The worst thing for me about dad's and mom's aging and declining health and well being was the response and lack of any support from most of my siblings. I come from a large family. God gave us each other and gave us a special bond as family. That should be a great blessing in my life. I think of the Kennedys and all the sisters who were smart enough, pretty enough, educated enough, had enough money to be president yet understood in their time and age the brothers could be President of the United States and they could have a real part of things but what they needed to do was hit the campaign trail, eat chicken and step in the cattle auction ring that had the largest crowd in town when no one showed up at the campaign rally. I would love to have siblings like that more often.
I do understand if you live a longer distance away that the issue of time and transportation and money are real factors in your ability to help take care of a person who needs care and is no longer totally able to care for them self. I do understand that you have a family, job, home and everything else in your life that you have. SO DO I! OH? What I fail to understand is your denial, lack of empathy, and selfishness. Really, when you come and visit and the grass on the lawn is too tall you cannot spare two hours and mow the lawn? You operate heavy farm equipment for a living; but, you can't get your rear on a riding lawn mower and mow the parent's lawn once because you think that it's someone else job and somehow they are going to be offended to have break just once ever. You won't be there next week or next month or maybe ever. Just do it - are you really so unable to make a correct thought and put things into actionable and doable items and give two hours of your time once and really help out in a real way instead of having the grass grow taller so that the next time the sibling who mows can bag and rake up the grass that got to tall?
Also, here is another point - all people have things they enjoy. Many time it's just little things like a favorite candy or flower or ice cream flavor. Yes, it takes a little more time to purchase the person who requires care favorite and send a small amount twice or more during the year then sending something at Christmas time. Your sibling who lives closer and does more of the care giving really could use and would probably welcome your support provided it comes from a place of love and duty and not some sort of shame and guilt. You could really help out by getting behind and supporting in any way the care giver including starting with letting them make a great deal of decisions and you supporting those decisions. And the people closest and doing the care giving get to make the decisions. You need to do the supporting. You don't get to make the decision. Heck, you won't even try to communicate effectively from my point of view. You need to start by doing what is asked, and do it exactly in the manner that the care giver requested. When there is a event, party or occasion like a birthday party you could make a real effort just to show up. Yes, it takes a lot of effort to just show up at a time and place that is not most convenient to you but it's really not about you. It's really about your elderly parent right now. And like children, elderly parents don't wait and most of the time need more care when it is least convenient.
I get it that if you do not visit, do nothing and call when it's convenient for you - especially at dinner time on a holiday - you get to say Mom or Dad is fine. Well, mom and dad are fine because someone else is taking care of Mom and Dad. It's fun to go skiing instead of coming to a funeral. It's a lot funnier to purchase lift tickets then to pay for funeral flowers. It's great to buy designer clothes for yourself and not ask to see what a parent needs for clothing much less put $20 in the sock and underwear fund. It's easy to say, someone else is supposed to do that and pay for that. It's easy to say I don't have to help out. It's easy to say I have other wants and needs and I should not have to make any sacrifices for my aging parents. I live in a society where that is what is deemed normal and right and good. That is not at all what God says. It's easy to expect that the caregivers are supposed to reach out and beg for your help and then you can be a model of generosity and kindness by buying a cheap box of candy at Christmas instead of sending Mom's favorite candy monthly in a small amount as requested. You have just did what you wanted to do instead of doing what was asked. Then when you do decide to do something what you did only caused problems, resentment and anger.
I GET IT because I DO IT. I HAVE SOME REAL ANGER mostly because the people who are to support me most have failed me the MOST. Here's and example - mom's last birthday, I was going to buy mom flowers. I love buying flowers for anyone because I love flowers. However, a couple from my mom's church got flowers for my mom. I said the flowers were beautiful and took them to mom. I did not buy mom flowers because it would have been too many flowers.Instead I made the cake and purchased ice cream and drove two hours and coordinated a small party. Any of you could have said I will send a cake or candles or flowers or even took the time to get a birthday card on time to mom. I am glad others bought mom flowers. I bought mom some great candles for the top of the cake I made. It was great. That is being cooperative and not having to compete.
My siblings cause real issues in my relationship with my spouse. And they just don't get it or make any effort to even try to understand anything (like why my Mom's cell phone bill is charged to my credit card). I come visit mom, I don't need mom to have a cell phone to call me. Isn't it nice my mom has a phone when you call that she can talk to you when you find it convenient to call? How does a mother just get a cell phone? I would like to think if the roles were reversed and my mother showed up with a cell phone and she she can't go out shopping, does not have a credit card or surf the net that I would at least inquire how mom got the phone, how much it costs and how it is being paid. It's real easy just to assume mom has a magical free cell phone. Another real issue about the cell phone is that it is one thing my mother really enjoys. As such I suck it up and pay her cell phone bill and make sure it works including driving the 120+ one way miles for the only reason to enter the codes in the phone needed to re-activate it after spending 8 hours on the phone trying to figure out why mom's phone is not working. When you call the next day Mom's phone was working and she talked to you and you never even thought what some other sibling is doing to keep mom's phone on. When you tell me you don't know that I pay for mom's cell phone I am shocked. You don't make any effort to ask, listen or contribute.
In all fairness once in the past fifteen years some of sibling have at Christmas contributed to mom's clothing fund as mom refuses to spend money on clothes as she may not wear them out as mom says. Mom has always had clothing issues. I don't know why nor do I care why nor could I understand the clothing issue. Here's the deal - How would you like to care for someone who has no clothes to put on, clothes that do not fit, clothes that are not suitable for an invalid when doing your job? I buy mom's clothing mostly so the people who take care of mom on a daily basis can do their job easier and not have to be resentful that mom never has any clothes to put on and I am supposed to get her dressed as part of my job. Every time Mom took a short rehab stay before permanently entering long term care I purchased mom new clothes. None of you even inquired if mom had the items needed for her to go to rehab and suitable clothing.
This is just a few examples, because it goes on and on and on and in the end all the issues of sibling when you were growing up in the dysfunctional family (and all families have some dysfunction) come up and take you back to a personal place of pain and hurt. As a child, you had to tolerate your family and you were held together by parents. As an adult I don't have those rules or constraints. Many times I say I have siblings that I have no relationship with and I deem them as human beings that unfortunately I only know they exist because of an biological accident. Many times, I can not even comprehend that I was raised by the same parents and the values I acquired from my rearing as any of the values I see my siblings living and displaying. I don't care what you say or better excuse you have - you are known by your actions and not your words. Step up and pitch in and help out in real and meaningful manners and ways. How about asking, reaching out, being pro-active, stepping up, doing what is asked and helping out in anyway you can and cooperating and collaborating instead of putting your head in the sand and pretending everything is okay and you can't do anything nor do you have to because you live a longer distance from a parent? Mom and Dad need care everyday, not once or twice a year. Your last justifiable and good excuse seems to be that some other sibling takes care of that and I perceive they have more financial resources and time to.
For the distant family, I don't know what you think that your siblings who have stepped up and taken care of the parents are getting that is unfair? Really do you think Mom and Dad slipped more money in the Christmas cards for us? Why do you think that it is easier for me? Oh, I get it you can't even make an effort to maintain a civil and courteous relationship with your siblings and acknowledge any of your faults and apologize for any of your actions and words that have caused the pain, anger and hurt in your sibling. It's not your job to be the caregiver and you can't do anything - exact words from a sibling. This sediment is also clearly displayed in your actions or lack of action. You lie and say mean and hurtful things and I hear you loud and clear. I don't care if you were mad or hurt or overwhelmed. You said it and did it and you do have control over you mouth and other actions. Most of the time you have less than 1/2 the truth from the place where you judge me from. I am also sick and tired of trying to maintain a relationship of any kind with you. The ball is in your court and you need to play. You just say your sibling is wrong and keep on taking a free ride and doing nothing and do what you want to do and not even try to make things better and keep believing you are so RIGHT when you are so WRONG from my perspective and the God I worship standard. You are called to honor you mother and father. As part of this command, I tolerate you doing nothing, not helping, your nastiness, resentment and your lack of cooperation and collaboration. I also know that my birth family and how it has shuck out is not the way I want the family I created to be and I am doing everything within my power not to pass this on. I do have the power to stop repeating bad patterns of behavior in my family and seek changes for future generations.
In my blessing department I have siblings who in every sense of the word and deed have been true siblings and real brothers and sisters and partners and friends and have stood by me and been on my side about taking care of mom and dad. I have been there for them and they have been there for me and I have known and had the love from siblings that I want. I can count on them and trust them and for that I am truly grateful. I have also had family step up and do things as asked and this does make a difference. Do what you can and start communicating and do what is asked and let the past be the past.
Why this post? For the past fifteen years I have been a caretaker for my elderly and diminishing parents. My father had Alzheimer's Disease and before he died he finally forgot to eat. Anyway, it was a long downward path from Dad's diagnosis until succumbing to death from the disease. And then after dad's death mom fell and broke her hip and never had a full recovery. The worst thing for me about dad's and mom's aging and declining health and well being was the response and lack of any support from most of my siblings. I come from a large family. God gave us each other and gave us a special bond as family. That should be a great blessing in my life. I think of the Kennedys and all the sisters who were smart enough, pretty enough, educated enough, had enough money to be president yet understood in their time and age the brothers could be President of the United States and they could have a real part of things but what they needed to do was hit the campaign trail, eat chicken and step in the cattle auction ring that had the largest crowd in town when no one showed up at the campaign rally. I would love to have siblings like that more often.
I do understand if you live a longer distance away that the issue of time and transportation and money are real factors in your ability to help take care of a person who needs care and is no longer totally able to care for them self. I do understand that you have a family, job, home and everything else in your life that you have. SO DO I! OH? What I fail to understand is your denial, lack of empathy, and selfishness. Really, when you come and visit and the grass on the lawn is too tall you cannot spare two hours and mow the lawn? You operate heavy farm equipment for a living; but, you can't get your rear on a riding lawn mower and mow the parent's lawn once because you think that it's someone else job and somehow they are going to be offended to have break just once ever. You won't be there next week or next month or maybe ever. Just do it - are you really so unable to make a correct thought and put things into actionable and doable items and give two hours of your time once and really help out in a real way instead of having the grass grow taller so that the next time the sibling who mows can bag and rake up the grass that got to tall?
Also, here is another point - all people have things they enjoy. Many time it's just little things like a favorite candy or flower or ice cream flavor. Yes, it takes a little more time to purchase the person who requires care favorite and send a small amount twice or more during the year then sending something at Christmas time. Your sibling who lives closer and does more of the care giving really could use and would probably welcome your support provided it comes from a place of love and duty and not some sort of shame and guilt. You could really help out by getting behind and supporting in any way the care giver including starting with letting them make a great deal of decisions and you supporting those decisions. And the people closest and doing the care giving get to make the decisions. You need to do the supporting. You don't get to make the decision. Heck, you won't even try to communicate effectively from my point of view. You need to start by doing what is asked, and do it exactly in the manner that the care giver requested. When there is a event, party or occasion like a birthday party you could make a real effort just to show up. Yes, it takes a lot of effort to just show up at a time and place that is not most convenient to you but it's really not about you. It's really about your elderly parent right now. And like children, elderly parents don't wait and most of the time need more care when it is least convenient.
I get it that if you do not visit, do nothing and call when it's convenient for you - especially at dinner time on a holiday - you get to say Mom or Dad is fine. Well, mom and dad are fine because someone else is taking care of Mom and Dad. It's fun to go skiing instead of coming to a funeral. It's a lot funnier to purchase lift tickets then to pay for funeral flowers. It's great to buy designer clothes for yourself and not ask to see what a parent needs for clothing much less put $20 in the sock and underwear fund. It's easy to say, someone else is supposed to do that and pay for that. It's easy to say I don't have to help out. It's easy to say I have other wants and needs and I should not have to make any sacrifices for my aging parents. I live in a society where that is what is deemed normal and right and good. That is not at all what God says. It's easy to expect that the caregivers are supposed to reach out and beg for your help and then you can be a model of generosity and kindness by buying a cheap box of candy at Christmas instead of sending Mom's favorite candy monthly in a small amount as requested. You have just did what you wanted to do instead of doing what was asked. Then when you do decide to do something what you did only caused problems, resentment and anger.
I GET IT because I DO IT. I HAVE SOME REAL ANGER mostly because the people who are to support me most have failed me the MOST. Here's and example - mom's last birthday, I was going to buy mom flowers. I love buying flowers for anyone because I love flowers. However, a couple from my mom's church got flowers for my mom. I said the flowers were beautiful and took them to mom. I did not buy mom flowers because it would have been too many flowers.Instead I made the cake and purchased ice cream and drove two hours and coordinated a small party. Any of you could have said I will send a cake or candles or flowers or even took the time to get a birthday card on time to mom. I am glad others bought mom flowers. I bought mom some great candles for the top of the cake I made. It was great. That is being cooperative and not having to compete.
My siblings cause real issues in my relationship with my spouse. And they just don't get it or make any effort to even try to understand anything (like why my Mom's cell phone bill is charged to my credit card). I come visit mom, I don't need mom to have a cell phone to call me. Isn't it nice my mom has a phone when you call that she can talk to you when you find it convenient to call? How does a mother just get a cell phone? I would like to think if the roles were reversed and my mother showed up with a cell phone and she she can't go out shopping, does not have a credit card or surf the net that I would at least inquire how mom got the phone, how much it costs and how it is being paid. It's real easy just to assume mom has a magical free cell phone. Another real issue about the cell phone is that it is one thing my mother really enjoys. As such I suck it up and pay her cell phone bill and make sure it works including driving the 120+ one way miles for the only reason to enter the codes in the phone needed to re-activate it after spending 8 hours on the phone trying to figure out why mom's phone is not working. When you call the next day Mom's phone was working and she talked to you and you never even thought what some other sibling is doing to keep mom's phone on. When you tell me you don't know that I pay for mom's cell phone I am shocked. You don't make any effort to ask, listen or contribute.
In all fairness once in the past fifteen years some of sibling have at Christmas contributed to mom's clothing fund as mom refuses to spend money on clothes as she may not wear them out as mom says. Mom has always had clothing issues. I don't know why nor do I care why nor could I understand the clothing issue. Here's the deal - How would you like to care for someone who has no clothes to put on, clothes that do not fit, clothes that are not suitable for an invalid when doing your job? I buy mom's clothing mostly so the people who take care of mom on a daily basis can do their job easier and not have to be resentful that mom never has any clothes to put on and I am supposed to get her dressed as part of my job. Every time Mom took a short rehab stay before permanently entering long term care I purchased mom new clothes. None of you even inquired if mom had the items needed for her to go to rehab and suitable clothing.
This is just a few examples, because it goes on and on and on and in the end all the issues of sibling when you were growing up in the dysfunctional family (and all families have some dysfunction) come up and take you back to a personal place of pain and hurt. As a child, you had to tolerate your family and you were held together by parents. As an adult I don't have those rules or constraints. Many times I say I have siblings that I have no relationship with and I deem them as human beings that unfortunately I only know they exist because of an biological accident. Many times, I can not even comprehend that I was raised by the same parents and the values I acquired from my rearing as any of the values I see my siblings living and displaying. I don't care what you say or better excuse you have - you are known by your actions and not your words. Step up and pitch in and help out in real and meaningful manners and ways. How about asking, reaching out, being pro-active, stepping up, doing what is asked and helping out in anyway you can and cooperating and collaborating instead of putting your head in the sand and pretending everything is okay and you can't do anything nor do you have to because you live a longer distance from a parent? Mom and Dad need care everyday, not once or twice a year. Your last justifiable and good excuse seems to be that some other sibling takes care of that and I perceive they have more financial resources and time to.
For the distant family, I don't know what you think that your siblings who have stepped up and taken care of the parents are getting that is unfair? Really do you think Mom and Dad slipped more money in the Christmas cards for us? Why do you think that it is easier for me? Oh, I get it you can't even make an effort to maintain a civil and courteous relationship with your siblings and acknowledge any of your faults and apologize for any of your actions and words that have caused the pain, anger and hurt in your sibling. It's not your job to be the caregiver and you can't do anything - exact words from a sibling. This sediment is also clearly displayed in your actions or lack of action. You lie and say mean and hurtful things and I hear you loud and clear. I don't care if you were mad or hurt or overwhelmed. You said it and did it and you do have control over you mouth and other actions. Most of the time you have less than 1/2 the truth from the place where you judge me from. I am also sick and tired of trying to maintain a relationship of any kind with you. The ball is in your court and you need to play. You just say your sibling is wrong and keep on taking a free ride and doing nothing and do what you want to do and not even try to make things better and keep believing you are so RIGHT when you are so WRONG from my perspective and the God I worship standard. You are called to honor you mother and father. As part of this command, I tolerate you doing nothing, not helping, your nastiness, resentment and your lack of cooperation and collaboration. I also know that my birth family and how it has shuck out is not the way I want the family I created to be and I am doing everything within my power not to pass this on. I do have the power to stop repeating bad patterns of behavior in my family and seek changes for future generations.
In my blessing department I have siblings who in every sense of the word and deed have been true siblings and real brothers and sisters and partners and friends and have stood by me and been on my side about taking care of mom and dad. I have been there for them and they have been there for me and I have known and had the love from siblings that I want. I can count on them and trust them and for that I am truly grateful. I have also had family step up and do things as asked and this does make a difference. Do what you can and start communicating and do what is asked and let the past be the past.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Pray For Your Family
The family that prays together, stays together. Do you pray for your family? I have a list of daily prayer intentions and Mondays are designated as a day to pray for your family. Just pray - name the person and name the request. Encourage the person to do everything they can to help and aid them and then let go and let God. One of the best gifts I have been given is two single brothers who pray for their entire family everyday and name special requests. They pray for healing, employment and other needs and especially for the to be born babies. They will probably never have children of their own, so they pour out their love for the nieces and nephew and now the grand-nieces and grand nephews.
Family pray is grounded in the Bible. From the King James Bible-
Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Matthew 18:19 - Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Pray for and with your family, always and everywhere and everyday. Just pray and then pray again. Flood heaven with your prayers and receive answers. All prayer is answered, but, not always as we seek and ask. God who is infinite knows what is truly good for us and works in a time and place that is beyond our knowledge and understanding. For many years now I have kept prayer list and then note when prayers are answered. I have been amazed at God's timing and answers.
Family pray is grounded in the Bible. From the King James Bible-
Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Matthew 18:19 - Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.
2 Chronicles 7:14 - If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Pray for and with your family, always and everywhere and everyday. Just pray and then pray again. Flood heaven with your prayers and receive answers. All prayer is answered, but, not always as we seek and ask. God who is infinite knows what is truly good for us and works in a time and place that is beyond our knowledge and understanding. For many years now I have kept prayer list and then note when prayers are answered. I have been amazed at God's timing and answers.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Becoming Better - Starting with Forgiveness
Today is the first day of my life as it is a new day. Today, I am called to become better. So how does one become better?
I am making a list and checking it twice (it's the Christmas Season and Santa Claus is popular, good, kind, fair, just, generous, loving and has all the good characteristics I would like to have minus the weight issue). The Sweet Potato Queen says keep your husband chunky so he will not even be tempted to wander and wonder. So maybe even Santa's weight issue is really not an issue as everyone knows Santa loves his Mrs. Claus and goes home to the North Pole.
Enough humor and back to my list -
1. I will forgive harms (real and perceived) done to me by others. I will let bygones be bygone. I will try harder and with God's help let the past be the past. I will forgive as I am called to forgiveness. There is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. This does not mean I will forget and act foolishly and place my self in the way of physical, emotional or spiritual harm.
2. I will strive harder to see the other person's point of view. There are two sides to every story. However, there is only one truth. And truth prevails. I will not agree with you when you are wrong. Two wrongs never make a right. I could agree with you in a spirit of niceness and solidarity when you are wrong; but, that would only make both of us wrong. A pox upon all of us for this type of thinking, getting along and not doing the right thing.
3. I will strive harder to be cooperative and collaborative. This means I work with people of the same thinking, spirit and commonality of goals. A popular misquote is, "Peace on earth and good will to men!". The message from the Bible actually is, "Glory to God in the highest; and on earth peace to men of good will". (Luke 2:14). There is a difference, exact words have exact meanings. Things are ordered for a reason. First things first. It's easy to twist things to make things more popular and suit a modern interpretation that come from our culture.
4. And more. I will continue to update this list as I examine my life.
I am making a list and checking it twice (it's the Christmas Season and Santa Claus is popular, good, kind, fair, just, generous, loving and has all the good characteristics I would like to have minus the weight issue). The Sweet Potato Queen says keep your husband chunky so he will not even be tempted to wander and wonder. So maybe even Santa's weight issue is really not an issue as everyone knows Santa loves his Mrs. Claus and goes home to the North Pole.
Enough humor and back to my list -
1. I will forgive harms (real and perceived) done to me by others. I will let bygones be bygone. I will try harder and with God's help let the past be the past. I will forgive as I am called to forgiveness. There is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. This does not mean I will forget and act foolishly and place my self in the way of physical, emotional or spiritual harm.
2. I will strive harder to see the other person's point of view. There are two sides to every story. However, there is only one truth. And truth prevails. I will not agree with you when you are wrong. Two wrongs never make a right. I could agree with you in a spirit of niceness and solidarity when you are wrong; but, that would only make both of us wrong. A pox upon all of us for this type of thinking, getting along and not doing the right thing.
3. I will strive harder to be cooperative and collaborative. This means I work with people of the same thinking, spirit and commonality of goals. A popular misquote is, "Peace on earth and good will to men!". The message from the Bible actually is, "Glory to God in the highest; and on earth peace to men of good will". (Luke 2:14). There is a difference, exact words have exact meanings. Things are ordered for a reason. First things first. It's easy to twist things to make things more popular and suit a modern interpretation that come from our culture.
4. And more. I will continue to update this list as I examine my life.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving - Give Thanks to God
Today is Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America. This year, I was able to celebrate with some of my family I created with my husband and some of my birth family including my elderly mother. I have in the past celebrated very differently including eating turkey spaghetti in a blizzard when unable to drive to dinner anywhere. I also have spent Thanksgiving miles and oceans away from any family while serving in the Army. No matter where I have been or whom I have been with, I have been able to really reflect and celebrate Thanksgiving Day joyously.
I give thanks, because I choose to, I give thanks to God for all my blessings known and unknown to me. It's easy to see my many blessings - family, a home, abundant food and drink, and enough of everything else including wealth and health. The unknown blessings are the things I will never know. I hope and pray and work to make a difference in others lives. I choose to be good and strive for holiness. I am on a lifetime journey of following Christ and imitating Him by love of God and neighbor.
Yes, this year I celebrated the day with a beautiful floral centerpiece, candles, up-cycled cloth napkins and table runner, and all-American food. My meal started with a pumpkin soup course and ended with pumpkin mousse on cheesecake - two new twists. I also ate turkey, dressing/stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables, and an assortment of pie including OREO pie.
As my family gains new members, it also gains new flavors and dishes including a great-nephews needed mushroom pie one year. Everyone was making pie requests and the great-nephew made a pie request based upon his mother (a niece by marriage) favorite food of mushrooms. The great-nephew got mushroom pie for his mom. It was great to see love manifested in pie. Remember to add flavor and new foods when you add family.
Holidays are great with cooperation and collaboration. Every event needs an organizer. I love to have people volunteer for what they want to do and then fill in everything else. Keep a box of items for the holidays to celebrate. Pull it out and add new things. Sort the old and re-arrange things. Up-cycle, reuse, and recycle and do it all on a budget for time and money. Then sit back and enjoy the unexpected and think what a wonderful world.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Not Funny Ever - Really Not Funny
SERIOUSLY IT'S NOT FUNNY
I used to admire Bill Cosby until I recently saw him accused of rape and heard his rape joke routine. All I can think is maybe he has an excuse of being young and naive and did something that some manager thought was funny at the time. But rape is really not funny ever. This blog post is just about things that are not funny - not Bill Cosby's guilt or innocence. There are thing that are just not funny ever and many people don't get it until something implodes.
Here's my list of things that are never funny - Not Ever
1. Abuse and violence - from child abuse to verbal abuse to sexual assault to rape
2. Menstruation, Menopause and other hormonal hell for women
3. Men's Penis Size
4. Attacking anyone's religious beliefs even when they may differ from any scientific knowledge
5. Physical and mental illness and disabilities
6. Ageism
7. Most sex jokes
8. Failed relationships - especially failed marriages
This is a short list - Please add to it
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Every Person has a Story - What is Your Story and What is the Story you are Leaving
One thing I have become aware as a age, is that every person has a story. Many of us never know the other person real whole story. We are prejudiced by our own limited backgrounds, experience and education. It's just how life is. It's also easier to label all people based on experience with one of any group. Every person is an unique individual just as you are. We need to look at people at the individual level. Media, history and government loves to group and then make sloppy statements about the group and not see the individual.
The only possible change is at the individual level. Individuals can change their life. Furthermore, I believe change is only possible through pray and the grace of God. As we move to a bigger federal government and more intrusion into our life by government, we are very limited over the control we have in our life. We need to tune out the world and tune in God.
Life is about the the power of one. You want to change the world - change yourself, change your family, change the small communities you live and work and participate in. Change begins with showing up. You matter just be showing up. Until you show up - you can't do anything else. Do you show up at elections, mass, family gatherings, community events?
Back to the topic - I have a story - you have a story - we all have a story. We have all known joys, sorrows, triumphs and failures. There are days and times in our lives that have shaped and formed us. We are all trying hard to make it through.
I am glad I have found God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help and aid and guide me on my journey. I also know we have many who have fallen out of the game - there are way too many people who are addicts, imprisoned, homeless, jobless and otherwise disenfranchised. Let's stop the drama and work to make things better starting with me and spreading outwards to my family and neighbors. Let me be the best person I can be. Let me be good, kind, loving and polite.
I choose my husband and made a family. My story is GOD, FAMILY and then EVERYTHING ELSE including work. I have a great family I created. I come from a large, formidable birth family. I need to focus on making my little family and my birth family better. I have done the right thing and placed the highest value on family. I am glad I have made every decision to support my family because I have real authentic love and joy and happiness and my love is going on to another generation. I have been blessed with a grandson. (Now two grandsons.) My younger brother who is a multimillionaire who does not have his own little family, once told me I have everything - I have a grandson.
It's not just the plain, dull facts as in Sergeant Friday's "it's just the facts, ma'am", a whole lot of life is how you want to see it. If you want to be a victim, then you will be one and you will view life as a downtrodden. If you want to see yourself as a survivor, then you will live a lot more triumphantly. If you want to live victoriously, you will feel JOY.
What is your story and how are you telling it? We all get to make this choice - make a conscience decision and live courageously and in love, wisdom, peace and joy. We all make choices. Are you making the better choices, are you making choices that matter, are you making choices that are consistent with your values and beliefs? What will your story tell and what legacy are you leaving. You can change. You can change your family and community.
The only possible change is at the individual level. Individuals can change their life. Furthermore, I believe change is only possible through pray and the grace of God. As we move to a bigger federal government and more intrusion into our life by government, we are very limited over the control we have in our life. We need to tune out the world and tune in God.
Life is about the the power of one. You want to change the world - change yourself, change your family, change the small communities you live and work and participate in. Change begins with showing up. You matter just be showing up. Until you show up - you can't do anything else. Do you show up at elections, mass, family gatherings, community events?
Back to the topic - I have a story - you have a story - we all have a story. We have all known joys, sorrows, triumphs and failures. There are days and times in our lives that have shaped and formed us. We are all trying hard to make it through.
I am glad I have found God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help and aid and guide me on my journey. I also know we have many who have fallen out of the game - there are way too many people who are addicts, imprisoned, homeless, jobless and otherwise disenfranchised. Let's stop the drama and work to make things better starting with me and spreading outwards to my family and neighbors. Let me be the best person I can be. Let me be good, kind, loving and polite.
I choose my husband and made a family. My story is GOD, FAMILY and then EVERYTHING ELSE including work. I have a great family I created. I come from a large, formidable birth family. I need to focus on making my little family and my birth family better. I have done the right thing and placed the highest value on family. I am glad I have made every decision to support my family because I have real authentic love and joy and happiness and my love is going on to another generation. I have been blessed with a grandson. (Now two grandsons.) My younger brother who is a multimillionaire who does not have his own little family, once told me I have everything - I have a grandson.
It's not just the plain, dull facts as in Sergeant Friday's "it's just the facts, ma'am", a whole lot of life is how you want to see it. If you want to be a victim, then you will be one and you will view life as a downtrodden. If you want to see yourself as a survivor, then you will live a lot more triumphantly. If you want to live victoriously, you will feel JOY.
What is your story and how are you telling it? We all get to make this choice - make a conscience decision and live courageously and in love, wisdom, peace and joy. We all make choices. Are you making the better choices, are you making choices that matter, are you making choices that are consistent with your values and beliefs? What will your story tell and what legacy are you leaving. You can change. You can change your family and community.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Sunday Dinner and Eating Together as a Family - Who, What, Where, When, Why and How
Who? What? Where? When? Why? HOW!
Sunday Dinner
Who - Family - this means the people that you are domiciled (live) with. Family is family so please don't get hung up on traditional or modern or combined or single-parent or whatever you want to classify and call your family. Family then includes all others of family based upon biological and marital relationships - grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, step-siblings, etc. Finally, family includes friends and neighbors.
What - Sunday Dinner - Sunday Dinner means a formal main meal either at midday or evening. It means the good dishes and linens and candles and making a toast. We all own good things that are collecting dust when they should be put into use to celebrate things big and small. A sad site at an estate sale or auction is when there are beautiful dishes and candle holders and linens that were never used but carefully stored and now being sold for pennies of the original cost. It means courses and for me that means at least a main course and a decadent dessert. It also means cooking what you like and can cook. Feel free to use some easier things - bread or rolls from the bakery, ice cream for dessert, grandma bringing salad, etc. Gather help and contributions - let the youngest decorate and set the table. Husbands can grill or bar tend. It's a great day to teach cooking lessons to the next generation and the newest family members. Share tradition and ancestral recipes. Promote the family working together and achieving something unique and more than the sum of individuals.
Where - My house, your house, grandma's and grandpa's house, here and there and everywhere in my neighborhood and around the world.
Why - Because family matters and eating is fundamental. We are to be fed and feed both physically and spiritually. We begin our life with family and if we are blessed we will end our earthly life with family. Sunday is a day to celebrate the Resurrection, For over 2000 years Christians have come together to worship and celebrate Jesus who we honor and serve. Our life in Christ begins with us and extends first to our families and then outward. As Catholic Christians we celebrate and commemorate the Last Supper at every mass which is central to our faith.
How - Just do it. And then savor - savor flavor and memories. Make a plan and laugh when most things go very wrong. I am great at making a canyon cake instead of the layer cake. Hey, it still tastes great and keeps me humble and learning and continuing on my path to be the best version of me that I can be.
How - Just do it. And then savor - savor flavor and memories. Make a plan and laugh when most things go very wrong. I am great at making a canyon cake instead of the layer cake. Hey, it still tastes great and keeps me humble and learning and continuing on my path to be the best version of me that I can be.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Everyday, Everywhere, Every Person
Everyday everywhere with every person I meet, I make an impression. That impression is either good, bad, or neutral. I am to be a blessing to all I meet and all who meet me should have an openness to blessing me. When asked, "How are you?" I desire to say with a genuine response that I am blessed.
Yes, blessed in ways that I am not even aware of. I am an ingrate. I forget to say thank you, be polite, and wait my turn. I find it totally human to be a bore, to be rude, to bring out the worst in my fellow human being and myself.
The other choice is to be a better angel and to be kind, considerate, thoughtful and to listen intently and to speak softly. I can always pray because pray changes me and when I am changed I can better aid a fellow suffering human. We all struggle. Many time likes fails to make sense. This is when I find my belief and faith in a BIG GOD enables me to trust HIM and continue on. Little things matter. I can do many things starting with a smile. You can do something and doing nothing is a cop out.
Everyday, everywhere with every person I meet, I make a choice and can give and receive all the emotional well being and good feeling that I can give and need or I can choose to be a lesser human.
Yes, blessed in ways that I am not even aware of. I am an ingrate. I forget to say thank you, be polite, and wait my turn. I find it totally human to be a bore, to be rude, to bring out the worst in my fellow human being and myself.
The other choice is to be a better angel and to be kind, considerate, thoughtful and to listen intently and to speak softly. I can always pray because pray changes me and when I am changed I can better aid a fellow suffering human. We all struggle. Many time likes fails to make sense. This is when I find my belief and faith in a BIG GOD enables me to trust HIM and continue on. Little things matter. I can do many things starting with a smile. You can do something and doing nothing is a cop out.
Everyday, everywhere with every person I meet, I make a choice and can give and receive all the emotional well being and good feeling that I can give and need or I can choose to be a lesser human.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Compassion
Word of the day – Compassion – what does it mean/examples from a faith perspective, how do I show it and how does this make me a better person and the world a better place to live?
I always like to start with definitions – from the Merriam Webster Dictionary @ http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/compassion
Compassion noun \kəm-ˈpa-shən\
- a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc.,
- sympathetic
- consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it
The corporal works of mercy is as follows:
- To feed the hungry;
- To give drink to the thirsty;
- To clothe the naked;
- To shelter the homeless;
- To visit the sick;
- To ransom the captive;
- To bury the dead.
- To instruct the ignorant;
- To counsel the doubtful;
- To admonish sinners;
- To bear wrongs patiently;
- To forgive offences willingly;
- To comfort the afflicted;
- To pray for the living and the dead.
I should express compassion, mercy, charity and love to all and especially with those closest to me. I often think many of us can fall into a myth that people like teachers, social workers, nurses and other medical professionals are somehow more compassionate and better people, perhaps even holier. I disagree and so did Bishop Sheen – work is work and charity is charity. When we are compensated for our work that is labor and work has its own rewards. This does not mean that people who have jobs where the corporeal and spiritual works of mercy are part of the required work are not doing good work. Charity, love, compassion, mercy is spiritual and holy and operates in a different realm than a job description. Compassion, charity and love comes from God and needs to be given in the same manner as God gives.
Can I be compassionate outside of a belief in God? Yes, certainly and compassion is practiced daily in homes and at work and all kinds of public places by many on a daily basis. When others are compassionate to us we receive a blessing and are recharged to become a better human being. Compassion is one of the feelings that makes us a better version of a human being.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
ADVENT - A season for waiting in peace, hope, joy, love and a Sunday to rejoice
Today, Sunday, December 1, 2013, marks the beginning of a new liturgical year in the Roman Catholic Church and the beginning of the Advent Season. The spirit of the Liturgy all through Advent is one of expectation and preparation for the feast of Christmas as well as for the second coming of Christ. Advent reminds me that God so loved me, He sent His only son to be my Savior and Lord. Jesus came to this world as a baby and was born like all human beings and was fully human and divine and the world still celebrates some 2000 years later. Whom else is celebrated after 2000 years? On the rapid think, I can think of no other human being. Sure I may read about some historical figure; but, I do not celebrate their birthday or death.
A sign of Advent is the Advent Wreath and Candles. Each candle signals a message that I am in need of and desire to send the same message to the larger world. The candles symbolize - peace, hope, joy and love. Peace, to all the people in war torn lands especially in Syria and the Ukraine. Hope to all in the Philippines devastated from Typhoon Haiyan. Joy to all who are down hearted, depressed and full of grief. Lastly, peace in my heart, peace in my family, peace in my country, peace in the world and peace to all people of goodwill.
At mass today, the first violet candle was lit. Another candle will be lit each Sunday. On Gaudete Sunday, the rose colored candle is lit. Gaudete Sunday (the third Sunday) marks the halfway point of the season. Gaudete is from the Latin and means rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice. Let your forbearance be known to all, for the Lord is near at hand; have no anxiety about anything, but in all things, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. Lord, you have blessed your land; you have turned away the captivity of Jacob. (Philippians 4:4–6; Psalm 85 (84):1). And finally all the candles will be lit. Advent will be nearing completion as the fourth candle and Sunday celebration is completed. Advent will end and the Christmas Season will begin.
A sign of Advent is the Advent Wreath and Candles. Each candle signals a message that I am in need of and desire to send the same message to the larger world. The candles symbolize - peace, hope, joy and love. Peace, to all the people in war torn lands especially in Syria and the Ukraine. Hope to all in the Philippines devastated from Typhoon Haiyan. Joy to all who are down hearted, depressed and full of grief. Lastly, peace in my heart, peace in my family, peace in my country, peace in the world and peace to all people of goodwill.
At mass today, the first violet candle was lit. Another candle will be lit each Sunday. On Gaudete Sunday, the rose colored candle is lit. Gaudete Sunday (the third Sunday) marks the halfway point of the season. Gaudete is from the Latin and means rejoice. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice. Let your forbearance be known to all, for the Lord is near at hand; have no anxiety about anything, but in all things, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. Lord, you have blessed your land; you have turned away the captivity of Jacob. (Philippians 4:4–6; Psalm 85 (84):1). And finally all the candles will be lit. Advent will be nearing completion as the fourth candle and Sunday celebration is completed. Advent will end and the Christmas Season will begin.
This year like other years, I intend to celebrate and keep the Advent Season. I want to wait in hope and joy and peace and love. I want to wait patiently while in line shopping or at the gas station or doctor's office. I want to join with all the people who waited for the Messiah and all who still do not know Jesus and are waiting for Him even in their unbelief. I want to wait for Christmas; Christmas will come as God keeps His promises. I need to prepare my heart and home to receive and welcome Jesus. I will celebrate the birth of Jesus and intend to keep Christmas well. To help keep Christmas, I have been giving to the Salvation Army bell ringers. I am thankful for all that I have including that I have some to share. My life this year makes this a real witness to being thankful to God in all things. I have experienced sickness and job loose. I have also been given a great gift of physical and emotional healing. I trust in God, that a new job will also become a reality.
Advent is not just that Christmas will come. It's also a foreboding of really big things that one day I will die and Jesus will receive me and welcome me into a heavenly home. Advent is also a reminder that Christ's second coming will happen. It's a time to reflect on small things like making cookies and candy and to ponder really big things like God's love and eternal life. Celebrate Advent and celebrate all the great Christian Feasts that fall during this period. Take time to prepare and make ready your home and heart.
When I originally wrote this, I thought this was not very good and stopped writing. I believe people call it writer's block, criticism, not believing in oneself. It's not just about celebrating Advent, life is about celebrating all things great or small. It's about self-acceptance and moving forward and continuing to learn and love.
When I originally wrote this, I thought this was not very good and stopped writing. I believe people call it writer's block, criticism, not believing in oneself. It's not just about celebrating Advent, life is about celebrating all things great or small. It's about self-acceptance and moving forward and continuing to learn and love.
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